Rev. David Holwick F
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
February 9, 2003
2 Timothy 4:9-21
HOW TO GROW THROUGH LONELINESS
I. So lonesome I could cry.
A. Loneliness is universal.
1) According to a study, 30% of North Americans say they have
frequent bouts of loneliness.
2) An extreme example.
In November of 1998, a landlord entered the Bonn, Germany,
apartment of Wolfgang Dircks when rental invoices to
Dircks' bank stopped being paid.
Inside Dircks' apartment the landlord found a skeleton in
a chair in front of a television set.
The set was in the "on" position but now out of order.
It was early November, but he had Christmas lights up and
a TV program guide on his lap.
It was dated December 5, 1993, almost 5 years earlier!
Since no one had seen Dircks in years, authorities declared
the date on the TV program guide to be his date of death.
None of his neighbors had noticed.
#6338, Jackson
3) Rent-A-Friend.
The Japanese have a new business: paying strangers to come
to private homes, pretend they are the occupants'
relatives, and exchange family gossip.
They call it a "convenience agency" and it supplies
"friends" for weddings and funerals.
Recent wedding-party "friends" of one bride, who were paid
about $500 each, were given detailed biographies of who
they were to pretend to be.
This way they could mingle more interestingly with the
bride's actual relatives.
#18042
4) It's part of the human condition.
B. What are its manifestations?
1) You feel that no one truly understands or knows you.
2) You feel that you don't really belong.
3) You aren't special to anyone.
4) There is no one you can really talk to.
5) It's the sense of being forgotten, excluded, missing out.
6) It's the fear that no one really cares that you exist.
C. God made us to need other people.
1) In the beginning of Genesis, God spends a lot of time
saying this or that is good.
He created light, and it was good. And so on.
In Genesis 2:18 he comes up with the first thing that is
NOT good: "It is not good for the man to be alone."
2) Eve solved that problem, though you can feel lonely even
in a marriage.
II. Four causes of loneliness.
A. Transition. (the process of change)
1) Major changes in life can cause loneliness.
a) You move to a new town. (Americans move every 4 years)
b) Your kids grow up and leave the nest.
c) You grow old and can no longer live with your family.
2) When he wrote 2 Timothy, Paul was an old man.
He was faced with the inevitable, that he would die soon.
In chapter 4:6 he says, "For I'm already being poured out
like a drink offering and the time has come for my
departure.
I've fought the good fight,
I've finished the race,
I've kept the faith."
He says, I know my time is short.
Nero is going to execute me.
I'm not long for this world.
Why is it we often leave people who are dying alone?
They've done studies that show the loneliest people in
the world are elderly men who are sick.
3) Transitions in life can be a lonely time.
B. Separation. (isolation from loved ones)
1) Paul is isolated from those he loves.
He asks Timothy to come see him.
He says, "Do your best..."
In v. 9 and 21 he mentions seven of his different
friends. They are his closest friends that he missed.
Paul says, "Demas has left me, Crescens has gone to
Galatia, Titus has gone to Dalmatia, only Luke is with
me.... Erastus has gone to Corinth, Trophimus is
sick at Miletus."
Paul was a people-person and always traveled with others.
Yet here at the end of his life he's in prison in a
foreign country.
He can't just pick up the phone and reach out and touch
somebody.
He's lonely because he's separated.
2) Think of the troops in Kuwait right now. Many are lonely.
3) You can feel lonely in a crowd.
a) It's not the number of people around you that determines
your loneliness, it's your relationship to them.
b) If you are not connected to people, you are separated.
C. Opposition. (attacks from those who don't love us)
1) Personal attacks and criticism can fuel loneliness.
"Alexander the metal worker did me a great deal of harm."
He strongly opposed Paul's message.
2) Harboring bitterness toward a few can drive away everyone
else.
3) The temptation is to withdraw into a shell.
a) Paul didn't do that.
D. Rejection. (loved ones can turn their back on you)
1) Feeling betrayed, forsaken, abandoned.
Paul felt deserted.
When things got tough, everybody deserted him.
He had to stand before the Roman Emperor Nero all alone.
"At my first defense no one came to my support." 4:16
Here's one of the greatest Christians in history, and no
one came to his support.
"But everyone deserted me."
No one is going to speak up in his defense.
You don't see any pity party.
Paul doesn't say, "I've spent thirty years in the ministry
and this is what I get?"
2) Rejection is the most devastating form of hurt.
a) All humans have a need to be accepted.
b) Rejection by those closest to us can hurt the most.
c) This is why adultery and divorce are so hard.
III. How to banish loneliness.
A. Face up to it.
1) Acknowledge its presence in your life.
2) Take responsibility.
a) Why am I isolated?
b) Do I turn people away from me?
3) Adjust any negative attitudes.
a) Do you feed on negativism and self-pity?
4) Mold positive attitudes.
Many years ago Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch Christian who ended
up in a Nazi concentration camp because she hid Jews,
went through a difficult time in her life.
She was engaged to be married to a man, but he broke off
the engagement and married her best friend.
Corrie was devastated. She was lonely.
Her dad said something very profound: "You've had a love
that's been blocked.
There are two things that you can do with a blocked love.
Number one, you can dam it up inside of you and hold on
to it and be miserable the rest of your life.
Or you can rechannel that blocked love.
Refocus it on someone else.
Give it away.
Help others. Give your love to those who need it."
#24955
B. Seek friends and intimacy.
1) We can learn how to connect with people.
a) Take the initiative in meeting others.
1> Be careful to do it God's way.
2> Dangers of internet infatuations or personal ads.
b) Key is getting to know people on a deeper level.
2) Fellowship in a church should encourage this.
a) Reason behind "We Friends" group.
Many lonely people visit a church but stay lonely.
By sharing outings we can connect.
b) Connect on your own. Meet someone new each Sunday.
C. Be a friend.
1) An outward focus can help you, and others.
The taxi driver was a little surprised when his fare,
an elderly woman, gave him an address and asked him to
drive through downtown to get there.
He suggested a shorter route, but she replied that she was
in no hurry.
Her destination was a hospice, a place where people go to
die.
The driver turned off his meter and headed for downtown.
As they drove through the darkened streets, the old woman
pointed out places that were significant in her life.
The building where she once worked.
The coffee shop where she met her husband.
The old ballroom where she had gone dancing.
The taxi driver listened respectfully as she recounted
the story of her life.
Eventually, they reached the hospice.
The taxi driver brushed away her money and gave her a hug
before the attendants led her into the building.
As he drove off, the taxi driver reflected on the
opportunity he might have missed if he had been in a
hurry, if he had not taken the time to care about
this lonely woman.
#6253
D. Find God.
1) Loneliness is not always a negative.
a) There is a positive aspect called solitude.
b) Many great people in the Bible got close to God
through solitude, whether forced or not.
1> Jacob, running from his family, has a vision of
heaven.
2> Moses and burning bush.
3> Elijah in wilderness, fed by ravens.
4> Jesus in wilderness during temptation.
2) Use alone times to focus upward.
a) Develop prayer and quiet times.
b) A. W. Tozer writes:
"Find a private spot.... Stay in the secret place till the
surrounding noises begin to fade out of your heart and
a sense of God's presence envelops you.
Deliberately tune out the unpleasant sounds and come out
of your closet determined not to hear them.
Listen for the inward voice till you learn to recognize
it.
Learn to pray inwardly every moment." [1]
IV. God will never leave you nor forsake you.
A. God said He would be there for you when everybody else
hits the road.
B. As Paul says, "But the Lord stood by my side and gave
me strength..." 4:17
C. You will always have a friend in Jesus...
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
[1] This sermon borrows heavily from "How To Grow Through Loneliness," a
sermon by Rev. Dan Warkentin, pastor of Discovery Church (Mennonite
Brethren), Pitt Meadows, British Columbia, Canada, preached on
May 21, 2000. It is #16204 in the Holwick Sermon Database.
# 6253 "A Leisurely Ride to a Hospice," Dynamic Preaching illustration
newsletter, www.sermons.com, November 4, 2002.
# 6338 "Man Dead For 5 Years With TV Guide in His Lap," Memphis Flyer
newspaper (Reuters), December 22, 1998.
#18042 "Rent-A-Friend," Miami Herald newspaper, August 11, 2002.
#24955 "What To Do With A Blocked Love," by Rev. Jim Mooney, Crenshaw
Church of God in Wheeler, Mississippi; sermon #9046 in Holwick
database.
These and 23,000 others are part of a database that can be downloaded,
absolutely free, at http://illust.holwick.com
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