Rev. David Holwick J Church Covenant #9
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
April 2, 2006
Matthew 5:23-25
HOOKING UP [*]
Church Covenant: "To be slow to take offense, but always ready for
reconciliation, and mindful of the rules of our Savior, to secure it
without delay. We promise that when we move from this church, we will
as soon as possible, unite with some other church..."
I. Splitting up or putting together?
A. Japanese "Split Men."
The Japanese call them "Split Men."
For a price, they will end an affair, break off an engagement,
destroy a marriage, or help a company fire someone.
Their appeal is avoiding conflict in a society that prizes
harmony above everything else.
Potential clients are parents who don't like the person their
child is dating, spouses who tire of marriage, or lovers who
want to eliminate a rival.
There are a few tricks of the trade.
Split Men generally begin with an investigation.
Often a hidden and embarrassing secret from the past can be
uncovered - a shoplifting conviction, an indiscreet affair.
The threat of exposure is enough to chase away a lover or to
cause an employee to resign.
It doesn't come cheap.
Fees range from $12,000 to bust up a relationship to
$15,000-plus to drive a wedge in a marriage.
It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
Still, some of the Split Men have regrets.
One of them admits, "My profession should not exist."
#22536
B. People are splitting up all over.
1) From divorces in America in ethnic revenge in Iraq.
2) Humans seem prone to conflict.
C. Conflict will come, but it is wonderful when it is resolved.
1) Christians should be "putter-togethers."
2) Jesus gives us some good advice on how to do this.
II. Have a thick skin and an open mind.
A. As the covenant says, don't get mad easily.
1) Be slow to take offense.
2) Some people love to be victims and look for sleights.
Don't be like that.
B. Do an attitude check.
1) Are you always ready for reconciliation?
2) Being ready requires an attitude.
a) Do you dwell on the shortcomings of other people?
b) Does the thought of having to forgive them make your
stomach turn?
c) If so, you don't have the right attitude.
III. Make the hookup happen.
A. Follow our Savior's rules.
1) Matthew 5:23-25
23 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar
and there remember that your brother has something
against you,
24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go
and be reconciled to your brother; then come and
offer your gift.
25 Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is
taking you to court.
Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may
hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand
you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into
prison."
a) Recognize if YOU are the guilty party.
b) Take the initiative - Now!
c) Reconciliation is more important that worship.
d) Settle the matter.
1> Don't ignore it, or drag it out.
2> There may be harsh consequences if you don't.
2) Matthew 18:15-17
18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him
his fault, just between the two of you.
If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
18:16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others
along, so that 'every matter may be established by
the testimony of two or three witnesses.'
18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the
church...
a) In this situation, YOU are the victim.
1> The two passages cover both angles.
2> Jesus seems to be saying, "No matter who is at
fault, you go and attempt to reconcile."
b) You go and reveal the hurt, one-on-one.
c) If reconciliation fails, involve some others.
d) If it still fails, involve the church.
1> The entire time, the goal is reconciliation,
not confrontation.
IV. Key factors to consider.
A. You must recognize there is a problem.
1) Usually conflict is pretty obvious.
2) But Christians have a way of spiritualizing it so it is
not really a problem. Even though it is.
3) Japanese aren't the only one who specialize in ignoring
conflict.
B. Take action to resolve the problem.
1) Immediately.
a) Don't put it off.
b) If the issues are allowed to accumulate it will be
much harder to resolve.
2) Directly.
a) YOU go to the person.
1> In both cases, you are the one to take initiative.
b) Don't tell half the neighborhood first.
3) Positively.
a) Address the issue with a view to resolution.
b) Seek forgiveness if necessary.
c) Make restitution if appropriate.
4) Progressively.
a) Increase the pressure as much as necessary.
b) Don't over-escalate and blow it out of proportion.
c) Ganging up may make us more comfortable, but it won't
make them more comfortable.
C. Renew the relationship.
1) Reconciliation has been defined by Bible scholar Merrill F.
Unger as the restoration of friendship and fellowship
after estrangement.
2) Reconciliation has to do with relationships, and it does
not necessarily mean agreement on every issue.
a) Reconciliation between people, and the resolution of
issues, are two separate things.
b) Too often these are confused, and we demand agreement
on every issue before we can reconcile.
c) This is not biblical thinking. The Bible teaches
unity, but does not demand uniformity. [1]
3) Reconciliation is cemented when we accept one another.
V. Keep hooked up.
A. Finding fellowship wherever you are.
1) When you move, find another church. And join it.
2) Sure, your heart will always be in Ledgewood Baptist and
the other church will never quite measure up, but
a church in town is better than one in another state.
B. Church membership is not a heritage issue.
1) You should not be here because grandma was.
2) You should go where Jesus is.
VI. God is the best reconciler.
A. He reaches out to us before we think of reaching out to him.
1) Christ died for us while we were still his enemies.
2) He woos us back to his love.
B. Those who are reconciled should become reconcilers.
1) Paul says this is the ministry God has given us.
2) If you cannot reconcile, are you really saved?
C. What we are doing today, represents God's reconciling action.
A wonderful illustration of how our lives can be transformed by
reconciliation is found in the life of the Archbishop of Chicago,
Joseph Cardinal Bernardin.
In 1993 a young man named Steven Cook accused the cardinal of
sexual abuse.
He said it had happened years ago, but Steven had repressed the
memory.
This was at the beginning of the scandals in the Catholic
priesthood and the story received huge attention.
Many people assumed the cardinal was guilty and his integrity took
a huge hit.
And then, over time, Mr. Cook acknowledged that the charges were
false and the case was dropped.
Cardinal Bernardin immersed himself in his work but he kept
thinking about Steven Cook, his accuser, who was now critically
ill with AIDS, living alone.
So the Cardinal did a remarkable thing.
He located Steven and invited him to meet outside Philadelphia.
He explained that his only reason for wanting to see the young man
was to tell him that he harbored no ill feelings.
He wanted to pray with Mr. Cook.
Steven Cook accepted that invitation and said that he wanted to
apologize for the hurt and embarrassment he had caused.
When the meeting happened, Mr. Cook told his story, including his
alienation from the church.
They talked for awhile.
The cardinal said what he had come to say, and he gave Mr. Cook an
inscribed Bible and offered to have communion with him.
Mr. Cook hesitated at first.
Cardinal Bernardin took a 100-year-old chalice out of his case and
said, "Steven, this is a gift from a man I don't even know.
He asked me to use it have communion with you some day."
"Please," Steven responded tearfully, "let's share communion now."
#30321
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
[1] "How to Resolve Conflicts," by George Sanchez, Disciple Journal #8,
March/April 1982.
#22536 "Calling In The Split Man," by Marjorie Coeyman, The Christian
Science Monitor; http://www.csmonitor.com, February 28, 2002.
#30321 "The Cardinal Forgives," from Kerux Sermon #22030 by Rev. Michael
Elmore. Edited for a Baptist audience.
These and 30,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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* When I came up with this title, I was not aware it was associated with
casual sexual encounters.
