Rev. David Holwick
First Baptist Church
West Lafayette, Ohio
November 27, 1988
Proverbs 17:17
FRIENDS IN PROVERBS
I. Friendship today.
A. Many lack friends.
1) Teenagers, suicide. Feeling of having no friends.
2) Men, alienation. Alcohol.
Chonda-Za, Church of Love. (Front page, Wall Street Journal)
Mother Maria and Angels of Love.
31,000 men, over 20 years $20,000.
Got generic letters, few dirty pictures.
Some knew it was only fantasy, gave anyway.
Location? Port Washington, Ohio, steakhouse.
Your husband heartbroken this week? #00449+
B. Harder to get true friends, keep them.
1) Hectic lifestyle promotes shallow relationships.
C. Yet we all need friends.
II. What book of Proverbs has to say.
A. Many verses on friends, companions, neighbors.
B. Effects of bad friends:
1) Prov 22:24-25 - "Make no friendship with an angry man;
and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou
learn his ways, and get a snare to they soul.
2) Illustration - gang of drunk 14-year-olds break car
window of a member of this church in Coshocton on
Friday. Young one is caught, put in cruiser.
III. What a good friend is like.
A. Constant.
1) 18:24 - "There is a friend that sticks closer than a
brother."
2) 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times..."
a) Through thick and thin.
b) Saying - "If you really want to know who your friends
are, just make a mistake!" (Tan #1800)
3) Give friendship, don't just receive, esp. to older friends.
a) 27:10 - "Thine own friend and thy father's friend
forsake not."
b) Benjamin Franklin, "Be slow to make friends, and
slower to lose them." Tan #1800?
B. Candid.
1) 27:6 - "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the
kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
C. Considerate.
1) Don't outstay welcome.
25:17 - "Withdraw thy foot fomr thy neighbour's house;
lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee."
2) Don't be hearty at wrong time:
a) When it is not appreciated. 27:14
b) When joke has gone far enough. 26:18-19
3) Don't tear them down behind their back.
a) Gossip - "A whisperer separates chief friends." 16:28
b) Hold tongue - "A man of understanding holds his
peace." 11:12
D. Caring
1) Give when you've got it. 3:28
IV. How to be a good friend.
A. Difficult - we would rather people be friends with us.
B. Friendship requires work and attention.
1) It can be lost - "bosom buddy" verses often speak of
betrayal.
C. Important Christian ministry.
1) Bob Laurens - suicidal girl. #00455
She followed him after concert. He did not get a chance
to talk but gave her his address. She wrote saying how
good she felt. Was lonely, suicidal. Bob gave "pop" quiz
at school - read letter. Bell rings, all but one leave.
She asks for address, corresponds. Girl gets saved and
attends Bob's New Testament class at Judson College.
2) Proves concreteness of your faith.
(Actions louder than words.)
D. Mission of every Christian leader.
1) Deacon.
a) Assigned 26 families apiece.
b) Praying for you, will visit you.
2) Sunday School teacher.
a) Get to know people.
1> Don't just shake hands.
b) Be available for them when needs arise.
1> Real friendship is not cheap, easy or quick.
c) Contact them at home, encourage them.
d) More important than your verbal lesson on Sunday.
3) Average Christian can make a large impact.
V. Jesus set the example.
A. Friend of sinful and despised.
14:20 - "The poor is hated even of his own
neighbour: but the rich hath many friends."
B. Jesus is our friend for eternity.
C. We should do the same thing for others.
1) Tony Campolo as jock in high school befriending nerd.
Years later he was still a nerd. But God wants us to do
this anyway.
NOTES FROM DEREK KIDNER:
I. "Friend" has a broad meaning.
A. Other fellow
1) Opponent at law.
B. Close companion who gives fellowship
1) "One who loves" at all times
a) Can also be debased to sycophant.
C. A few close friends better than many acquaintenances.
II. Good Friend
A. Constancy
1) Sticks closer than a brother
a) Fair weather friends also found in Proverbs
2) Loves at all times
3) Give friendship, don't just receive, esp to older friends.
B. Candor
1) Faithful are the wounds of a friend
2) Thanks will come afterwards
C. Counsel (Both reassuring and bracing)
1) Fellowship has a cheering effect
2) There can be a healthy clash of personalities
D. Tact
1) Don't outstay welcome
2) Don't be hearty at wrong time
a) When it is unwelcome
b) When it is cruel
c) When joke has gone far enough.
III. Vulnerability of Friendship
A. Strongest term (bosom buddy) usually occurs in situations of
betrayal or estrangement.
1) Reminder that friendship needs to be guarded.
B. Strains to friendship:
1) Thoughtlessness
2) Malice (real danger)
C. Maintenance of friendship depends on spiritual resources.
1) Shallow friendship (largely due to money):
a) 14:20 The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich
have many friends.
b) 19:4 Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend
deserts him.
c) 19:6 Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend
of a man who gives gifts.
d) 19:7 A poor man is shunned by all his relatives-- how much more
do his friends avoid him! Though he pursues them with
pleading, they are nowhere to be found. + The meaning of
the Hebrew for this sentence is uncertain. +
e) What harms a friendship:
1> Ill-spoken words.
A> 16:28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates
close friends.
B> 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends.
C> 24:28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, or use
your lips to deceive.
D> 25:18 Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is the man who gives
false testimony against his neighbor.
E> 26:18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows
26:19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only
joking!"
F> 27:14 If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it
will be taken as a curse.
G> 29:5 Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.
2> Temper.
A> 22:24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not
associate with one easily angered,
22:25 Or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
3> Hard heart (not close, selfish)
A> 3:28 Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give
it tomorrow"--when you now have it with you.
B> 14:21 He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is
kind to the needy.
4> Negative thoughts (hurt).
A> 3:29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully
near you.
5> Impulsive promises.
A> 17:18 A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up
security for his neighbor.
6> Over-familiarity
A> 25:17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house-- too much of you,
and he will hate you.
f) Marks of True friendship:
1> Constancy:
A> 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity.
B> 27:10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster
strikes you - better a neighbor nearby than a brother far
away.
2> Few in number:
A> 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a
friend who sticks closer than a brother.
3> Distinguished by love.
A> Forgiving and constant.
1: 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends.
2: 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity.
B> Speaks (or shuts-up) out of love.
1: 11:12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of
understanding holds his tongue.
2: 22:11 He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious
will have the king for his friend.
4> Honest.
A> 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy
multiplies kisses.
5> 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the
pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest
counsel.
IV. Verses categorized. (Friendship [not neighbors] in Proverbs.)
A. Shallow friendship (largely due to money):
1) 14:20 The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich
have many friends.
2) 19:4 Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend
deserts him.
3) 19:6 Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend
of a man who gives gifts.
4) 19:7 A poor man is shunned by all his relatives-- how much more
do his friends avoid him! Though he pursues them with
pleading, they are nowhere to be found. + The meaning of
the Hebrew for this sentence is uncertain. +
B. What harms a friendship:
1) Ill-spoken words.
a) 16:28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates
close friends.
b) 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends.
c) 24:28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, or use
your lips to deceive.
d) 25:18 Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is the man who gives
false testimony against his neighbor.
e) 26:18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows
26:19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only
joking!"
f) 27:14 If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it
will be taken as a curse.
g) 29:5 Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.
2) Temper.
a) 22:24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not
associate with one easily angered,
22:25 Or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
3) Hard heart (not close, selfish)
a) 3:28 Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give
it tomorrow"--when you now have it with you.
b) 14:21 He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is
kind to the needy.
4) Negative thoughts (hurt).
a) 3:29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully
near you.
5) Impulsive promises.
a) 17:18 A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up
security for his neighbor.
6) Over-familiarity
a) 25:17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house-- too much of you,
and he will hate you.
C. Marks of True friendship:
1) Constancy:
a) 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity.
b) 27:10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster
strikes you - better a neighbor nearby than a brother far
away.
2) Few in number:
a) 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a
friend who sticks closer than a brother.
3) Distinguished by love.
a) Forgiving and constant.
1> 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends.
2> 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity.
b) Speaks (or shuts-up) out of love.
1> 11:12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of
understanding holds his tongue.
2> 22:11 He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious
will have the king for his friend.
4) Honest.
a) 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy
multiplies kisses.
b) 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the
pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest
counsel.
VERSES ON FRIENDSHIP AND NEIGHBORS:
D. Warnings about corrupting friendship, bad companions.
1) 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of
fools suffers harm.
2) 14:29 A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path
that is not good.
3) 28:7 He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of
gluttons disgraces his father.
4) 29:3 A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a
companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.
E. Shallow friendship (largely due to money):
1) 14:20 The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich
have many friends.
2) 19:4 Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend
deserts him.
3) 19:6 Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend
of a man who gives gifts.
4) 19:7 A poor man is shunned by all his relatives-- how much more
do his friends avoid him! Though he pursues them with
pleading, they are nowhere to be found. + The meaning of
the Hebrew for this sentence is uncertain. +
F. What harms a friendship:
1) 16:28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates
close friends.
2) 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends.
3) 22:24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not
associate with one easily angered,
22:25 Or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
4) 3:28 Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give
it tomorrow"--when you now have it with you.
5) 14:21 He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is
kind to the needy.
6) 3:29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully
near you.
7) 17:18 A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up
security for his neighbor.
8) 21:10 The wicked man craves evil; his neighbor gets no mercy from
him.
9) 24:28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, or use
your lips to deceive.
10) 25:17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house-- too much of you,
and he will hate you.
11) 25:18 Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is the man who gives
false testimony against his neighbor.
12) 26:18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows
26:19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only
joking!"
13) 27:14 If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it
will be taken as a curse.
14) 29:5 Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.
G. Marks of True friendship:
1) Constancy:
a) 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity.
b) 27:10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster
strikes you - better a neighbor nearby than a brother far
away.
2) Few in number:
a) 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a
friend who sticks closer than a brother.
3) Distinguished by love.
a) Forgiving and constant.
1> 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever
repeats the matter separates close friends.
2> 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity.
b) Speaks (or shuts-up) out of love.
1> 11:12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of
understanding holds his tongue.
2> 22:11 He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious
will have the king for his friend.
4) Honest.
a) 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy
multiplies kisses.
b) 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the
pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest
counsel.
------------
Illustrations: add 00456, which quotes many of these proverbs in
context of intimacy.
